Monday, September 6, 2010

Substance Abuser

Oooooh bloggers, I have been dealing with family drama that I have no answer to! My uncle ( my Dads brother) is an alcoholic and has been for 30 years, He has 3 daughters and my aunt left him about 20 years ago because he was maxing out her credit cards to gamble. 2 of his 3 daughters no longer speak to him, he is my Dads baby brother and my father has ALWAYS done done done for him, out of college my Dad started his own oil company and employed his brother but after my aunt left him my uncle quit working and started wasting his life away...
But here is where the problem begins to effect me. The daughter, my cousin, that DOES still talk to him is my best friend, we are only 1 year apart and have always been close, she calls me crying about his drunken rants etc etc all the time, and it gets more complicated my Dad- is his enabler. He pays all his bills ( my uncle has not had a job in years) cell phone, internet, bought his car,  and obviously if my Dad is giving him $$$ then my uncle is buying alcohol with it. The problem lies (OBVIOUSLY #1 with my uncle) but a close #2 is my Dad. He evens goes as far as to pay my uncles child support to my aunt so she doesn't throw him in jail!!! (all the while my dad is calling my aunt a bitch) It has gotten my father and I in numerous fights because its not right. Its not fair that my uncle is getting away with this lifestyle. I have always grown up being taught that when you make poor decisions YOU have to pay the price, so why is my Dad allowing a double standard for his brother? I often tell my Dad how would he feel if my husband treated me and my preverbial 3 daughters the way my uncle behaves? Because it is my Dads brother he is unwilling to see, or admit that his brother is using him! My brother and I were raised that if you are going to have children you have a moral and financial responsibility to them, my brother is an upstanding, contributer to society, he is a surgeon married to a pharmacist, I am in my last yer of nursing school and married a Marine, I don't understand why my father holds his own children to a "provide for your family" standard yet allows my uncle to skip out on BASIC adult responsiblities?!?!?!
Today I am going to talk to my Dad and tell him that I want nothing to do with my uncle anymore, nor do I want to hear the excuses my Dad continuously makes for him. My uncle is brazan and bold about how my dad pays for everything, he often makes jokes about "its funny how everything always works out for me" or "hey, I just mixed a drink in your driveway, hope you dont mind" UH YEAH I MIND ALOT! I need some help bloggers HOW DO I GET MY DAD TO STOP ENABLING MY UNCLE?!?!?!?!?! it is tearing my family apart!


  1. Tough one girlie, I have learned that when people are toxic in my life I cut them out period. You can not control your Uncle or your fathers choice to allow him to continue to kill himself, he is an accessory to what will surely be his death. All you can control is yourself and the roll you chose to play in either of their lives. I think you know the answer. It's also much easier said than done. I wish you luck, I think you and your brother learned a lesson your father is unwilling to teach his own brother. Be grateful you gained that and go from there.

  2. This is definitely a hard one to conquer. I agree with USMCWIFE though and the best way to stop your dad enabling your uncle is to just talk to him and cut him off. If he has no money, he has no alcohol. Maybe try to get your dad to talk to your uncle about seeing someone about his alcohol problem? I wish you the best of luck and I hope that things turn positive.

  3. This sounds like a really sticky situation for you to be in. Obviously what your dad is doing isn't helping your uncle with his problem. I think if you really want to talk to him about it then you should but I get the feeling that it may keep going on. I really hope it gets cleared up and that your uncle can get some help.

  4. I have craaaazy family drama, too! That I wish I had answers to! Right now i'm just hoping it will work itself out & hoping yours does too! I'm a new follower by the way :) looove your blog!